


I don't even know who I am

by khanumoftheworld



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angstyyyy, Cussing, Hurt/Comfort, INSERT SCREAMING ELMO, Introspection, Jason Todd Centric, Jason Todd Deserves Better, Jason Todd Has Daddy Issues, Jason Todd Has Feelings, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Whump, M/M, One Shot, Rated T for swearing, Romance, Swear Words, Swearing, other than that its vvv general
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23785534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khanumoftheworld/pseuds/khanumoftheworld
Summary: An introspection Jason Todd makes about himself as he considers a relationship with Tim Drake.Basically Jason Todd angst :)
Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	I don't even know who I am

“I’ve been fighting my whole life, Tim. And with you? I don’t have to fight or struggle to be something that I’m not. I can be Jason Todd. Whoever the fuck Jason Todd is.”

“Jay-” Tim started, 

“ Tim, please. I’m literally a zombie. None of this makes sense. I’ve just never been enough for anyone my whole life. I’ve been used , as a soldier; for Bruce, Talia, fucking Gotham. “

Jason Todd was tired of being a tool in someone else’s war. He was his own fucking man, goddamnit. He didn’t get beat by a crowbar just to let others control him again. 

He was Jason Todd. The Damned Prince. Always second best in Bruce’s eyes. Never enough, even for himself on most days. The only thing that got him out of bed was a damn war he got dragged into. The war for Gotham. He never asked for any of this. But when life gave Jason Todd lemons? 

He would squeeze all the juice out of those fuckers into the eyes of his enemies.

Damned Prince. Damned Prince. Damned Prince.

It repeated in his mine like a prayer. 

Prayer ? More like a curse, thought Jason.

He had never asked for this.

The man who had fathered him, Willis, had no right to place a fucking self fulfilling prophecy on him. He was just a kid. A kid who didn’t need his life dictated by anybody.  
As for Bruce? Bruce had no right dragging Jason into this semblance of a life. Bruce had no business comparing him to Dick fucking Grayson.  
Dick wasn’t perfect, Jason reminded himself to ensure he wouldn’t burst into tears.  
Bruce didn’t have to see him as a wild, uncaged animal who had unquenchable bloodlust.  
But apparently he was. And so became the Red Hood.  
The Red Hood. The Damned Prince of Gotham. He grew into these, not purely by his own choice. By circumstance.

But being with Tim? That was mostly his choice; the circumstances could go fuck themselves along with whoever who had doubted him.

“With you , Timmy? I feel like a person.” Jason said, taking a step closer to Tim such that he was flush against him. 

Tentatively, Jason placed his palm on Tim’s cheek. Barely a caress.  
He didn’t want to fuck this up too.

That perfect alabaster skin, smooth like porcelain. Tim’s ice blue eyes fluttered close as he leaned up and closed the gap.

Tim fit. He fit like a puzzle. For once, something in Jason’s life made sense. Something was straightforward and just made for him.  
Not made for the Damned Prince of Gotham, not for Robin, not for the Red Hood. 

But for Jason.

And for once, in his chaotic life, he felt satiated.

He was Jason.  
He was starting to figure him out.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment for your thoughts :) I'll be happy to hear your interpretation of this and I kind of hope my desired message got across :>  
> I love Jason Todd more than I love myself pass it on
> 
> Edit 22/04/20:
> 
> Basically , this little piece explores Jason having his life choices made by other people , even though he doesn’t want to give them that autonomy. The actions of other people have irreversibly shaped these personas that he has adopted, therefore playing a huge part in his current life even though he absolutely hates the thought of that .   
> However , with Tim, he’s just Jason. He’s not some persona. He can be himself !!! but the sad thing is that he doesn’t even know who he is under the rage and war ( to be blamed on his mentors and the joker )  
> But with Tim , he’s finally stepping back from all the angst and sadness in his life , and seeing that he’s worth more than that . He’s worth more than whatever people make him out to be. And that’s why this ship is beautiful 🥰


End file.
